1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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