So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize