How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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