TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
