I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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