the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
