The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
