put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
