Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
