My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
