That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
