So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
My nipple is on Facebook.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
