You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
