She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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