Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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