the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
