***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
