Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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