the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Randomize
