i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
