i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
