fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
