That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
