You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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