I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
