I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
