Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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