...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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