I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
