the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
