Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
