his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
