I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
