I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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