you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize