I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I love having hate sex.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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