Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
