woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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