im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
