Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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