I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
