I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
