Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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