god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
