YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
