so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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