hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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