I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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