he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
