U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
They have beer where we have blood.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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