I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You were trust falling into bushes
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
