I bet he comes in French.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
