I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
