you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
