toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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