I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
