I wish I could punch you in the face.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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