plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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