eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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