I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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