i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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