i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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