he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
