i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
