why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize