Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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