If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
