fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
