Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Randomize
