That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
