I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
