I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
