I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
