It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
