Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
