i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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