Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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