dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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