Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
