"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
