What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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