he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize